Animadverto
by Hannisburg
Summary: The Doctor and Rose have a heart to hearts - fluff - 10/Rose


Rose was sat at the dining table in the TARDIS kitchen, staring absent-mindedly into space when the Doctor walked in

Rose was sat at the dining table in the TARDIS kitchen staring absent-mindedly into space when the Doctor walked in. She felt him edge in to her peripheral vision and was drawn out of her reflections on the previous day when he poked her and grinned.

"Penny for you thoughts?" he said and she smiled at him.

They had spent yesterday running around a planet called Animadverto which the Doctor had explained was the verb 'to realise' in Latin. The planet was encased by a 'realisation sphere' which enforced the planets inhabitants to live in a state of complete reality the entire time. There was no such thing as imagination, and in its place was a fear brought on by those thoughts that nagged at the back of your mind – the ones that are usually dismissible, but not on Animadverto – those thoughts became constant beliefs, and as a consequence the Doctor and Rose had both felt the effects of their true fears and desires – especially those concerning one another.

"I was just thinking about yesterday." Rose said.

"Hmm yes." The Doctor replied distractedly. It was an aspect of his personality that frustrated Rose; his inability to dwell on anything for longer than a few seconds after it had occurred.

"It's just that the whole experience has left me with a bit of a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I wondered if maybe you…"

"No not at all. Maybe you should sleep on it? See how you feel in the morning?"

The Doctor said quickly so as to cut her short. Truth be told, he felt it too. He didn't like being confronted with his thoughts and emotions – at least not quite so forcibly as that.

He glanced up and watched Rose quietly leave the room, still lost in her thoughts, and he felt a slight pang of guilt over not letting her talk about it. He made a mental note to try and allow for her human needs, and after making himself a cup of tea he walked out and into the main console room.

"Nothing quite like tinkering with a TARDIS to distract one from their thoughts." He thought to himself.

But not tonight – something was different, amiss even. He tried for another half an hour or so to push the thoughts out of his mind and after repeatedly failing to do so, he stood up and sat down on the pilot seat.

After a while he realised what it was that was nagging at him still: The look on Roses face when they had been on that planet was etched into his memory. The way she had looked at him. His feelings for her were such that he knew they went beyond what they ought to be. He was a 900 year old Time Lord, and she was a 20 year old shop assistant: Completely incompatible. Or at least that was the official line. The truth of the matter was that it had taken him less than a few hours to realise that she was quite a bit more than that. In his previous incarnation he had, of course, tried to hide it, but since his last regeneration he had found himself taking advantage of any slight opportunity to hold her hand or hug her. But he knew that it was completely inappropriate and he refused to give in to such base, carnal urges. Besides, she wouldn't be interested anyway….would she?

"Stop it!" he thought, scolding himself as his mind started drifting, "Definitely wouldn't be."

"What wouldn't be?" Rose asked as she walked back in.

As she had left the kitchen a few hours earlier she had mentally cursed herself for trying to start _that_ conversation with him. It had obviously backfired – he quite clearly was uncomfortable discussing the previous day's events and perhaps it had become clear to him what she really felt for him. After all, her human mind, in its experienced state of denial, had been laid bare for all to see and whilst she was certain that she hadn't said anything, she still held concerns over what her body language had said, not to mention what her eyes had given away. He had always been so fluent in reading her, it was part of the reason that she sometimes allowed herself to wonder: His behaviour towards her was definitely affectionate and she had always questioned whether Time Lords held the same physical drives that humans do but after his display with Reinette, she had been left in no doubt that he most definitely did think about, as well as desire that illusive goal. It was then that the thoughts had become increasingly confusing.

She was forever looking out for a signal and was constantly receiving mixed ones on a regular basis, which when coupled with her confusion over his affectionate, yet lacking attentions towards her, left her feeling as though she was walking around with a giant question mark above her head. However, most of the time she was able to push the thoughts to the back of head and it was usually when she was alone at night that they came creeping back into her conscious thoughts. But the previous days' events had meant that they'd come spilling forth into the middle of her day and she had not known how to handle it – especially in front of the Doctor. So when she walked back into the console room after laying wide awake in bed for the last hour or so, she was relieved that to see that the Doctor was sat there seemingly questioning something out loud to himself.

He startled and looked up at her as she walked in. She repeated her question.

"Doctor, what wouldn't be?"

He went to answer but his breath caught in his throat and he bit down on his tongue to stop himself from answering honestly.

"I was just pondering on how to fix the chameleon circuit but I decided that it wouldn't be right not having the old girl looking as…blue, and……boxy as she does now…"

He knew right away that he had fluffed it by the way that Rose was looking at him; her eyebrow cocked and a knowing smile on her face. Luckily for him, she had decided to let that one go.

"Yeah, she's great just the way she is."

Deciding to pounce on the advantageous opportunity she had provided him with, he chose to change the subject:

"I thought you were trying to get some sleep?"

"I tried but I'm having trouble switching off my thoughts today."

"Maybe a cup of hot chocolate and a good movie will lend itself to being a halfway decent distraction?" he suggested, and by the way her face lit up, he could tell that he had struck gold.

Twenty minutes later they were standing in front of the choice of films with two cups of hot chocolate, complete with marshmallows and cream sat cooling on the sideboard. The doctor glanced over at Rose who was standing next to him now wearing an old, baggy hoodie over his pyjamas to keep her warm, and was examining the collection in front of her, tongue poking the corner of her mouth, and a look of concentration written across her face. He lost himself for a moment, enjoying the beauty of his companion before jolting himself out of it and once again scolding himself for being entirely inappropriate. Little did he know that Roses thoughts were not a million miles away from his own, just that she was a little bit more discreet, and it was only because she was lost so entirely in her own thoughts that had failed to notice the Doctors attentions.

"C'mon then – what's it to be?" The Doctor asked.

Stretching up to reach the top shelf, Rose grabbed a case. In the moment that she was reaching up, a flicker of skin flashed between pyjama bottoms and hoodie, and the Doctors eye was drawn to it. She turned and presented the case to him with a grin on her face – one which faltered slightly as she momentarily caught him looking at her before his eyes flicked back up to hers. She regained her grin, and he joined hers with his own before grabbing the case and walking over to the machine.

"Was he looking…" she started to think to herself, "No, no he wouldn't have been."

She walked over to the sofa and settled down, cross-legged and clutching her mug between both of her hands. The Doctor sat down next to her and put his feet up on the coffee table, and his hands in his lap, and they watched the film. Or at least, they feigned watching the film. In reality, both of them were lost in their own thoughts.

"I should put my arm around her." The Doctor thought to himself.

"I wish he would put his arm around me." Rose thought.

She pondered the various possible outcomes of her actions if she chose to do something now. She decided to test the waters and un-crossed her legs, and shifted in her seat so that she now sat at right angles to the Doctor. She pulled her knees up to her chest and sat hugging herself for a bit before stretching her legs out some minutes later and letting them drape lazily across the Doctors lap. She noticed his eyes somewhat alerted dropping to look at what was happening, and then softening when he realised that she was just making herself comfortable. He looked over at her and smiled whilst moving his hands and resting them just above her kneecaps. When she didn't look unhappy with that arrangement, he left them there and smiled inwardly to himself, thrilled that she was letting him touch her.

They stayed like that for the rest of the film, and by the time the credits were rolling up, they had both fallen asleep. The Doctor had slumped slightly, and his head was now leaning against Roses stomach. When the credits had finished and the television kicked in again out of inactivity, Rose came to. She was aware of an added weight and glanced down to see the Doctor snoring softly. She took a moment to savour the experience; it wasn't often that he slept and it was even less frequent that he fell asleep in her company. She loved how comfortable he obviously was with her and decided that it was best that she kept her feelings to herself so as not to jeopardise that. She rested her head back on the arm of the sofa and let the sounds, smells and feel of the Doctor wash over her. She let her eyes close and enjoyed the sensation of allowing her other senses to be consumed by him.

She was just drifting back off to sleep when he shifted and brought her back into the room. They both opened their eyes at the same time but after a moment of being half-asleep and half-awake the Doctor opened his eyes up wide and sprang out of the chair, knocking Rose's legs from his lap and knocking over a mug in the process. The remains of the hot chocolate dribbled out on to the surface of the table, and he cursed himself for both letting his guard down and for acting like an arse. He wished that his escape could be as simple as the hot chocolates'. He looked down at Rose; she looked startled. He cursed himself again.

"Sorry Rose, I wasn't quite aware then…" he said, and smiled sheepishly at her. She didn't look too convinced and looked rather more dismayed.

"It's okay." She said but he knew that he had upset her with his actions. He sat down again:

"I missed half the film."

"Me too, although I have seen it before."

"Ah well then, maybe you can tell me what happens in the end!"

He flashed his grin and hoped that a change of subject would help the otherwise awkward situation. One glance at her face and he quickly realised that his favourite tactic was not going to work, and that clearly his earlier decision to make room for her human needs was going to need to be executed.

"Shall we talk?" he said, looking her in the eye and with a new look of seriousness that wiped the previous grin off from his face.

"I'd like that." She replied offered him a small smile in return. He gave her a nod, and a look that told her that the floor was hers. She took the initiative and spoke:

"Whilst on that planet yesterday, a lot of thoughts…" he nodded his encouragement, "…and emotions… came to the front of my mind, and now I can't make them go back again."

"Okay…." The Doctor replied.

"Yeah, and basically I think that maybe I should voice these thoughts and these…emotions…" She said the last word in a quiet voice, her confidence failing her.

"Right, I see." The Doctor said. Rose berated herself and quickly added;

"But obviously, I don't want to upset anything. If it isn't broken, don't fix it - yeah?"

He was tempted to respond with his usual cheery smile that swept everything under the rug, but instead he resolved to let her have her moment. He would hear her out and then if he needed to, he could weigh up his options. After all, he had never said that _he_ was going to talk at all.

"Weeelll," he let he added syllables roll over his tongue, between his teeth and out past his lips, "maybe just say it and then if something bad happens, I'll just erase your memories whilst you sleep?" He chuckled to himself, but one look at Roses face instantly told him his joke was not universally appreciated.

"I'm kidding, I'm just kidding. Seriously, go on and tell me what's on your mind. Tell the Doc-tor." He said, again punctuating the final syllable.

She hesitated but he reached out and took her hand in his, comforting her and letting her know that he was there. It worked and Rose spoke, feeling like it was the first time she'd ever spoken in her entire life:

"For a long time I've wanted to tell you this, but before I do I want you to know that you're my best friend and that no matter what you and our friendship will always come first with me."

He smiled and nodded encouragingly.

"I have pushed these thoughts away and buried them deeply, but being on that planet yesterday meant that they were dug up and laid bare and fresh in my mind. I don't know if maybe the planet has brought them up and secured them in my conscious thoughts, or if a part of me is doing it all by itself but it's obvious that I need to say this."

She paused, and took a deep breath.

"I think you're brilliant. More than that, I think you're amazing: Every last move, word and gesture that you make leaves me spell bound and wanting more. I am entirely in awe of you and I live for the times that we're together – I ache when we're not in the same room and when I can't see you and touch you. Our adventures pale into insignificance and water down to the background when you hold me hand. I feel like I could run the entire length of the universe when I'm with you, and I know that I would if you needed or wanted me to. When we first met and you took a hold of my hand and described your existence as one which meant you could feel the entire world moving beneath your feet, and when I'm with you I can feel it too because you make me feel like I'm complete and like I'm at odds with everything when you're not there. Doctor, I…" she paused, and looked up at him, looked him right in the eye and before she could finish her sentence, her nerve faltered and her eye line dropped.

He took a deep breath and exhaled, half in relief, half because he had been unknowingly holding his breath whilst she'd been talking. Her words washed over him, and felt like they were cleansing him to the core. He realised that it was exactly what he wanted to hear her say, but even more so he realised that he should not be allowing this. He smiled at her, and whilst still holding her hand he deliberately looked her in the eye and without the usual bravado, he quietly told her that he needed to give her words some thought. He lent forward, kissed her gently on the cheek, and then stood up to walk out of the room. He stopped whilst halfway out of the door;

"Please don't worry, you definitely did the right thing." He said before leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Rose did not get much sleep that night, and instead spent a lot of time pacing the length of her room. She questioned her choice to admit her feelings, and worried over the damage that she might have caused, but ultimately she felt some relief at getting it all off of her chest. Hours passed before she decided to go and get a glass of water, and she was on her way back to her room when she heard the whistling. At first she wondered if perhaps there was something wrong with the TARDIS, but then as the sound grew closer and louder, she realised that it was far too tuneful – happy even! She rounded a corner and walked straight in to the whistler himself: the Doctor. She panicked and for the slightest of moments she considered spinning on her heel and walking back the way she had just come from, but she fought the urge and instead she greeted him.

"Hello." He said, returning the greeting.

He was smiling, and more to the point, he wasn't running away either, Rose thought that 'this can only be positive,' she concluded.

"I was just coming to find you – I knocked on your door, and when you didn't reply I poked my head in and saw you weren't there so I thought I'd have a look elsewhere, and here you are – look at you, right here in front of me – some excellent looking, even if I do say so myself. Brilliant even!"

He stopped because he realised he was babbling. Rose smiled at him and couldn't help but let herself think how human a trait his nervous chattering was. She didn't say anything though because she didn't want to insult him, and she was rather more intrigued to know why he had come to find her.

"Yep, here I am!" she said, grinning at him.

"Yep, there you are…" he said, his voice sliding away with the rest of the confidence that he had felt after coming to a decision amidst much pacing in his room. He snapped himself to attention and asserted his 'I am a Time Lord' head, and realised simultaneously that the effect Rose had on him was both detrimental and spectacular all at once.

"I wanted to tell you that your words really touched me earlier on tonight and that I feel… I feel…"

The words failed him. He allowed himself a moment of annoyance before resorting to plan B. He stepped forward, and touched his hand to her face, cupping her cheek gently whilst wiping his thumb smoothly across her cheek bone, pushing a few loose strands of hair out of her eyes. She looked tired, and he realised that she had been astoundingly brave to say what she had said to him. 'So brave, always so brave my Rose. MY Rose' he thought to himself as if trying the words on for size. They felt right – like a second skin, and he lent in closer to her, looking her in the eye, waiting for her permission to do what he wanted to do. She returned his gaze and looked deep into his eyes and in that instant he knew it was right.

"Doct…" she started to say, but the word was cut off as he gently moved his lips over hers. Their kiss was sweet, gentle and full of words that had for so long, been left unsaid. It deepened and reality seemed to slip away around them, leaving them feeling like they were the only two people in the entire Universe, and for all either of them cared, they were.

The End


End file.
